Goodie Bags

You've trained really hard. You've got up early and run in wind, rain and shine. You've eaten well and are in tip-top racing shape. You've planned the entire day in minute detail so that it runs like clockwork and you're completely ready for the big half marathon. The one they had to close all the roads for and that cost a whopping £50 to enter.

During the race you give it your all, running to your absolute limit with a lactic-inducing, eyeballs-out finish. You exit the finish funnel covered in sweat and tears and completely drained and somebody hands you a goodie bag.

Reward time! What could be inside?

1. A banana

Hmm, a banana. Well, it's important to re-fuel I suppose...

2. A Kit-Kat

That's better. But, hold on, it's melted a bit and... actually I feel a bit sick now.

3. A bottle of water

OK... I get that it's important to rehydrate, but it's not as though water is a scarcity. Make an effort, guys.

4. A brightly-colured wristband

Terrific. I'll wear that next time I'm in a race with a bunch of five year olds! Ooh, it lights up... nope, still stupid.

5. Flyer for a 10k taking place tomorrow 400 miles away from here

And another 42 flyers.

6. A diamond-shaped plastic fob with the name of a Life Insurance company embossed

What? What even is this?

7. Some safety pins

Hang on, before the race these were rarer than some of the elements created in the Large Hadron Collider.

8. A discarded banana skin

Oops, that's mine.

9. Ads, ads and more ads

Brilliant! Just what I wanted. Ads. If you've got so many people advertising then how come I had to pay £50 to enter this race? And you've got all those volunteers. What are you paying them? Nothing, that's what. This race is a con. I'm going to speak to the local press about it and let everybody know what giant frauds you all are. Scum!

10. Entry Form for next year's race

Oh, go on then.

There may also have been a t-shirt*

* but it's not even technical, so it doesn't count